Ahh… dating. Perhaps there are rules we may not even be aware of, have never considered, or have allowed to fall by the wayside. It’s the dating protocol we surrender. All those valuable qualities we have the tendency to overlook when choosing who we choose. The attractive qualities we kick to the curb. Think about this for just a moment. What makes a relationship special? I would have to say, it’s the qualities someone exudes. Positive characteristics, such as kindheartedness, loyalty, reliability, and integrity. I could go on, but you get the gist. Anyone with essential traits such as these is the type of person we focus our attention on. But don’t. So here’s a mantra delivered with love from me to you… focus on the best, forget the rest.
Our thoughts create our reality – where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.
THE RULE OF SIXES – SAY WHAT?
Six feet, six pack, six figures. Fine. We’re hooked. But what about their character? Judging a cover is one thing that I will never downplay; however, we eventually have to get past the facade. A relationship with someone who exemplifies noble traits is really the cat’s meow. Imagine two people on the same page, hitting it off, wanting to make something beautiful last. We seek to attract those on a level playing field, those who exhibit all the fine qualities and then some. But what if hastiness takes hold of better judgment?
When we devote all of our attention to the bait, this is where most of us get lost. For all we know, this person may be the wrong person. And who wants that? Hopefully, no one. Yet, we find ourselves attracted to just that. To the one who may not even be the right person for us. Smitten with the appealing package, forgetting there’s so much more to a great relationship. They may be physically attractive and it may look fine and dandy on paper, but that’s it. I know, hard to believe we’d get stuck here, paying little attention to how they act. Ask yourself, “Are they really oh so fine?” Let’s get real… if you have need to ask, you may be barking up the wrong tree.
IT ONLY GETS BETTER WHEN WE FOCUS ON THE BEST AND FORGET THE REST
When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.
A great relationship is like fine wine, which only gets better given time. Love bides its sweet time because it needs to be nurtured for it to grow into something exceptional. If it isn’t love, it won’t go anywhere. I’m not referring to just anyone. I’m calling attention to the person who’s mature enough, who’s prepared to handle the nature of an authentic relationship along with its ebbs and flows. And no one will tell you, “Hey, this is going to be easy.” The person worthy of your time, energy, and attention is someone who will lean into the things that aren’t easy. It’s someone who wants to learn who you are, and they’re someone you want to get to know better. In a nutshell, it’s the one you can see yourself with long-term.
ARE THEY INATTENTIVE? DISMISSIVE?… DISREGARD AND FOCUS ON WHAT’S BEST AND FORGET THE REST
The greatest gift is the ability to forget – to forget the bad and focus on the good.
When someone captures your attention, it could be the dawn of something great or not so great. It depends. And that is why time is of the essence. Take the time to learn who someone is and you will find what you need to know. Sooner rather than later. Perhaps they will end up in your bad books or it may be the opposite where they treat you with high regard. Where you feel special, cherished, and appreciated. If that be the case, then you are that much closer to finding the person who deserves you. There’s no confusion when you meet the right person. It’s reciprocal and you know it. You will feel nothing less than your best while you are with them. No mistaking these feelings and no getting around it.
WHAT RED FLAGS?
If ever you’re questioning anything or entertaining doubts, it’s time to heed the warning. Zoom in, assess, and just move on. If you’re asking yourself whether to stay or go. Oh honey, it’s a red flag which signals, run don’t walk. And if you feel someone’s attention slipping, waning, or sneaking off in another direction, it’s not only a red flag, but a blazing red flag. A warning they are all wrong for you. This person isn’t your person. The right person is never a sneaky-sneak. Just saying.
THE CHARMS OF A GIFTED COMMUNICATOR
Genuine admiration and a good dose of hospitality will go a long way in charging up any relationship. If they are sincere and converse readily, always keeping you in the loop, then you have yourself a winner. This is a person who will share their personal world with you. So how do we find such a person? We attract them. After all, we attract who we are. Right? But is this true? Not always, because sometimes we get duped, only to attract ugly. It happens. Just don’t get lost in it. Don’t spend too much time wallowing in it. And whatever you do, do not lose yourself over situationships that mimic relationships. See it early, see it plainly, and see it for what it will never be. Out of sight, out of mind, and on to better. Back to our mantra…repeat aloud, “Focus on the best, forget the rest.”
LOVE OR LUST
When most people set out to change their lives, they often focus on all the external stuff, like new romantic prospects. The reality is that changing your life starts with changing the way you see everything in your life.
Is someone walking in love or in lust? I know. Like wow! This is a thing, and it’s something that can catch us off guard if we aren’t careful. How can we tell? We walk in love if we want to find a loyal partner who’s interested in a long-term relationship. Whereas, walking in lust is someone unfaithful with the propensity to change partners often (some as often as a mama changes diapers). We don’t want just anyone like that roaming in and out of our lives. Nor do we want to entertain anyone fickle, dating us while dating everyone else.
The one we desire is someone who’s willing to go the whole nine yards, capable of sealing the deal with more than showmanship. Not someone who’s in it for something other than a relationship and who has no interest beyond that. Transient anyone? Could be someone’s cup of tea, but if you hang out on this website, it wouldn’t be yours.
STILL SINGLE AND LOVING THE OPTIONS
I get it. Not everyone wants to lose that single status badge, but for those who are keen on doing it right, there’s no looking back. Perhaps this is where the stakes are high. It’s someone essentially forfeiting singlehood for that one person who checks off all the right boxes. The one who’s okay with giving up the rest for the one and only they view as the very best.
Choose to focus your time, energy and conversation with people who inspire you, support you, and help you to grow you into your happiest, strongest, wisest self.