The Ultimatum | Striving to Please?

We’ve all been there, when someone gave us an ultimatum. The ultimatum is not only challenging, but this is where we are prone to curl up in a ball of disappointment. Problems will usually emerge whenever someone’s expectations aren’t being met. Especially when they vocalize their unhappiness through incessant orders and demands. Their need for control, the command for respect, and the constant need for attention will drive most people away. Even though we want to please, we can’t always be people-pleasers. Ultimately, the gig becomes so draining that something breaks along the way, beginning with communication, followed by the relationship. 

The one who gives the ultimatum insists everyone follow their script and abide by their rules. They will even urge us to march to the beat of their drummer. Sadly, this is where dysfunction sets in, because we have our own beat to follow. These rules, by the way, will change regularly, which makes things that much more difficult. Just when you thought you mastered what to say or do one day, doesn’t mean everything is rosy. It’s not. The very next day they expect something different.

AFTER THE ULTIMATUM THE EXCLUSION

If you don’t follow the guidelines they implement ‘to the T,’ you will face many challenges while trekking uphill, battling all the way to the top. The penalty served, will be hefty. The punishment happens quickly as they resort to banning you altogether. This is where you’re excluded from the inner circle, whether at work, within a family, or in just about any relationship where they practice the ultimate ‘ultimatum tactic.’ The thing is so many of us want to succeed, so we stay and put up with bad behavior. We stay not only because we really want things to work out, but because we also want to secure this person’s respect. For whatever reason, we need to remain in their good books, and prefer to be held in high regard; so, we obey or face the consequences.

The guilt trip will be subtle at first, a jeer here, and a jab there, followed by scowls. Eventually, it grows into a taunting, where provocation churns up even more displeasure. Unfortunately, they will call out a guilty verdict before you even proved your worth. An ultimatum will always arrive after judgment, when we must face a-take-it-or-leave-it-deal. Perhaps, now would be a good time to choose whether you want to continue along a path where you’re forced to play by someone’s consistent calculated rules. Especially when they routinely break their own.

THE DECISION

When given an ultimatum to obey or else, not only leaves you shaking in your boots, but will have you questioning whether to stay or go. Rules are fine when it pertains to an adult advising a child to behave. But when directives are instigated with control in mind, within mature relationships, well that’s a whole different ball game. 

Now, what if the rules are far from clear? How can you even win? In this case, when the rules are ambiguous, I believe it’s okay to reconsider your position after you tried to compromise. If meeting halfway isn’t in the book, that’s when you alter your plans to move in a different direction. Whenever you take back control of your life it shifts the dynamics within the situation and within the relationship. The change in perspective allows you to see the situation in a new light, so you can bravely plan an escape. Head for the nearest exit, put on a smile, and move toward your peace and harmony. Because honestly, you will never find happiness where the ultimatum is the name of the game.