Why do people have difficulty with the act of forgiveness? There I was enjoying another social function when I couldn’t help overhearing an unsettling conversation take place between two friends. Others within the inner circle ended up taking part in the chat. Whereas I chose to remain somewhat right of center in standby mode, just in case I needed to add my two cents. Hearing all I needed to hear, I left. My take away was this… why do we say someone is a friend when they aren’t? Furthermore, friends don’t do or say things that are hurtful and disrespectful. Personally, we sometimes misconstrue relationships to be what they aren’t. This was an alleged bromance, because this wasn’t the first time and won’t be the last where we witness cheeky behavior. When all was said and done, at the crossroads of this so-called friendship was concealed unforgiveness.
The most important thing that I learned in growing up is that forgiveness is something that, when you do it, you free yourself to move on.
Forgiveness is an important aspect of life if we want to enjoy living freely without the constraint of ill will. The problem occurs when we accept those who have the tendency of playing games with our hearts, tossed to and fro, between acceptance of the rejection and pain. What happens when the same offensive situation reoccurs? This can go on for years, decades, or a lifetime. It goes something like this: insult, followed by an apology, then forgiveness, and acceptance, following additional bouts of offences, with more apologies. Well, you see where I’m going with this. Is the one who asks for forgiveness sincere or is it just a facade to continue with the charade?
WHY PRACTICE THE ACT OF FORGIVENESS?
It’s important to forgive, always and forever. When we practice the act of forgiveness, we put things into perspective. If it’s an emotionally abusive situation, it’s time to stop being a doormat and put an end to having people walk all over you. When do you just cut your loss and move in another direction toward people who really care and love you for you? When the zillionth apology is followed by no change in their behavior, that’s when.
Forgiveness isn’t just the absence of anger. I think it’s also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself.
What happens over time is that these relationships will have a negative effect on health. A toxic element takes root, and even though it no longer appears to exist during the so-called honeymoon phase, it does… just beneath the surface. We can pretend everything is fine when it isn’t. When someone’s anger is on continuous simmer regardless of what you do, it’s a sign to find better people to hang out with. The problem with pretending is we attract more of the same behavior, more of what’s intolerable. Sometimes the only way to put something to rest is to not play a role in the disheartening drama. When is it acceptable to forgive, forget, but instead of staying in an unhealthy relationship move on?
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE YOU HANG OUT WITH?
We may have a sense of what goes on behind the scenes; even so, it’s difficult to find a pulse point. But it’s there. Just being with someone who’s chronically unhappy can pull you in a downward spiral into a similar state of being. They say we are the average of the five people we hang out with… oh boy. Now, the oh boy can be a good thing or bad depending on the group you have a tendency to spend most of your time with. Who are the people in your social circle? How’s your family life? Are you in healthy relationships? What about your love life? If you think it doesn’t matter, think again.
I believe forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they’re sorry and an even stronger person to forgive.
Every bad experience we had to contend with, will no doubt affect every single cellular structure in our body. This impacts not only our state of mind but influences our feelings which has a direct effect on our health. The further we move away from truth beyond the threshold of trust, we find ourselves in difficult situations. When we stop trusting our heart, while sensing something’s not right, and knowing it will never be, then we are in denial. Being in denial isn’t a good place to be if you’re abused, humiliated, and insulted consistently. It gets worse if we allow this behavior to continue.
CHOOSE TO SPEND TIME WITH THOSE WHO VALUE YOU
Stuck in a pretend phase is no fun when you are the target. Just pretending it’s ok when it isn’t, is no way to live. When we assume it’s a stable relationship, a close friendship, or solid family ties but isn’t, then perhaps we have a problem. Especially when we believed it was love but turns out it never was. It’s ok to move closer to some people while distancing yourself from others, especially those who are spiteful. We thrive when we pack our backpacks full of joy, peace, and hope, leaving our troubles behind by stepping away in faith. And along the way we find a place where unconditional love and happiness live.
It’s you who decides what kind of life you would like to lead and who to share it with. Personally, I choose people who build me up, not those who tear me down. We all want to feel valued. True friendships are built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, and compassion. An apology is always followed by the act of forgiveness; however, wrongdoing is never repeated. We learn the lesson, value the friendship, and live happily ever after.
Forgiveness isn’t just a blessing you deliver to another human being. Forgiveness is also a gift you give yourself.
2 comments
This is a very nice post.
Thank-you.