Dating the Wrong Type

In love, as it is in life, there’s wisdom in never letting one’s emotions cloud judgment. We are to see everything for what it is and for what it isn’t. Spotting what we need to know sooner rather than later is key. A genuine relationship never leaves you hanging, questioning, nor will it have you dealing with something unexpected and unknown. Authentic relationships are exclusive in nature and it’s also where you play a significant role. Outside of this, you are dating the wrong type, and exposing yourself to something unsuitable. However, there’s an exception, and that is where two people agree to an open relationship. But this isn’t that blog. 

ONLY BONA FIDE MEMBERS NEED APPLY 

We can’t deny authenticity. Not only does it have its place, it’s also something we overlook when dating. Perhaps we need to assess what we’re in. If we don’t know, we need to find out. Is the relationship legit, or are we involved in something shady with someone who has a propensity to behave in a sneaky manner? Do you know? Do you care to know? There’s a problem within the connection when you catch yourself pondering over what something is or isn’t.

A great relationship is where two people focus on one another. Don’t get me wrong, life is about taking interest in other relationships besides one’s partner. Whether with family, friends, colleagues. However, in the world of romance, if someone desires intimate connection apart from who they date, it’s not only a serious issue but a blazing red flag. A sign the person you’re dating not only has a roaming eye, but they are also prone to play the field (aka – cheat). Consider how they’ll behave in the future if they act like this after only a brief time of dating you. Just saying.

When we’re involved in a loving relationship, both authenticity and exclusivity dance seamlessly. In dating someone special, these two nouns cannot live without the other. With that said, if involved in something other than genuine and exclusive, then we might ask, Who labeled it a relationship? Keep it real folks. Fake eyelashes work, fake relationships… not so much.

THERE ARE TWO TYPES – WE ALL KNOW THIS… RIGHT?

When you love yourself enough, you will always do what’s right for you. Repeat the last line several times until it becomes a motto. You might ask: Do I love myself enough to let go of whatever this is? Don’t know the answer? This may help… there are two types, those who collect collectables like coins, stamps, fine art, or sports memorabilia, and those who collect phone numbers. 

You get to choose. 🙂

Personally, I’m more inclined to favor the type collecting the collectables. But that’s just me. To each his own.

Now, if I were being perfectly honest, this girl knew. Yes, she did. She knew well before the formal gala that took place eons ago. Back then, she was this prissy young adult, aware she had not only attracted, but ended up choosing and dating the wrong type. But… she liked him. Silly girl. The so-called relationship didn’t stand a chance. It actually ended before it began.

Here’s the kicker. She refused to engage with someone who couldn’t adhere to the same morals. Confused? I know! Stay with me. When your partner lacks appreciation for the connection, there’s no choice but to move on. And that she did. Upon reflection, what she suspected to be ghosting was something altogether different. Let’s be honest here. She intentionally pushed him away. Yes, she did. Was this successful? Yes. Yes, it was. In fact, this was brought to her attention years later. Did he inform her at the time? No. No, he didn’t. Given his involvement in other situations, why would he?

TUNED IN… GLORIOUS STANDARDS

The key is to date someone who has respect for themselves as well as respect for the relationship they are in. Respect is one of those guiding principles. The high standards I held and believed back then are the same principals I embrace to this very day. These are teachings that touch on the essence of fidelity, honesty, and love. If someone showed contrasting behavior, I promptly reclassified them as an acquaintance. Did they know this at the time? No. No they didn’t. As a result, there was an opportunity to attract someone who shared similar views. Did I meet someone who valued the same moral standards? Yes. Yes, I did. Was he hard to look at or unattractive? No. No, he wasn’t. Thankfully, the world still holds admirable and virtuous men who are not only appealing but decent and honorable. 

With the secrets exposed, confidence in the questionable relationship waned. But truth be told, it made way for someone trustworthy, who deserved both time and attention. So never give up on love. Too many people believe dating the wrong type is better than staying single. I disagree. I say, stay single and mingle until the right person shows up for you. The key is patience. 

It’s a fact, heart-to-heart conversations occur in great relationships. How do I know? I’m in one. Without candid communication, how will you ever know where you stand? You won’t. Such honest conversation separates maturity from immaturity. It can also spell out a strong connection as opposed to a risky one. Something of value versus something that adds no value, apart from the lessons they teach.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU STAND WHEN DATING THE WRONG TYPE?

No, no, you don’t. The wrong person will never share how they honestly feel about you. Even if they did, their nasty actions will always speak louder than their words. So there’s that. When you continue dating the wrong type, it’s you disrespecting yourself, when self-respect is key.

Upon reviewing the reels of the past, we discover someone wasn’t who they appeared to be, yet showed us precisely who they were. This was enough to not only exclude them from gatherings and special occasions, but to deny further introductions to the rest of our closest of friends. When someone flaunts their bad side, you not only discover who they are, you also have a good understanding of what this is. Something that’s bound to go nowhere fast. And that’s precisely what happened. It went nowhere fast. Which, by the way, was a pivotal moment.

SWEET LESSONS OCCUR AFTER DATING THE WRONG TYPE

It’s wise to never get caught up dating the wrong type. Keep it brief whilst you keep your options open for better. A great guy will prioritize you. If he doesn’t, he’s not your guy. Is it worth investing time in someone who isn’t your guy? No. No, it isn’t. Is this the storyline you find yourself in? If so, you’re but an option, which is far from being someone’s priority. In other words, we have to stop making someone a priority when they view us as nothing but an option. At least we know, and having such awareness is a gift. Yes, it is.

We learn the biggest lessons when dating the wrong people. Yes, we do. I say embrace the lessons and learn what the person taught you. Forgive, never forgetting the value of such lessons. You get to decide how many lessons you’re willing to learn. However, let’s be realistic. Is there such a thing as learning one too many lessons when it comes to dating the wrong type? Sherman Alexie answers this question for us. You love someone… you choose them.