It was a cold, windy autumn evening, when I made my way to the bible study group I’ve been with for over two years. This night unlike any other, brought about a debate; and out of the fourteen people gathered, all were hypercritical with the exception of three. The tension between certain people within the group played with everyone’s emotion. Even though I was one of three, I found the argument dampened my spirits. We let people steal our joy, our peace, and our sense of self-worth when we let others control our lives. Great friendships, relationships, and family bonds happen when we practice acceptance. Perhaps because the expression of acceptance is tied to unconditional love.
Personally, I prefer to accept people as they are without judgment. When someone judges you for where you live, what you drive, how you speak, look, or act, it creates ill will. Whenever someone tells someone else how to live, work, or play, life not only becomes less enjoyable but unpleasant. We are free spirits, created by a loving God who sees each one of us as perfection, albeit in most cases, a work in progress. He welcomes us when others don’t and accepts us even when we fall short.
Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, faultfinding, and a negative, judgmental attitude.
All of us deserve better and we have the right to choose the kind of life we want to live, to be happy. Happiness doesn’t live where there’s nothing but conflict. We can’t live harmoniously when repeatedly manipulated, as if we were puppets. Everyone’s life is unique, we carry different beliefs and views, and it’s our right to live freely. It’s not your responsibility to live by someone’s terms and conditions just because that’s what they believe. Excluded when you don’t abide by someone’s rules and included when you do. If reprimanded for just being who you are, then that’s a form of punishment. You are solely responsible for your own life.
What we need to understand is that when traditions become laws, rules, obligations, and expectations others put on us that we don’t want to fulfill, then they lose real meaning and steal the joy from our lives.
We are social, spiritual beings with intuitive convictions, and we know when relationships are flawed. However, the flaw in others, isn’t our problem… the problem lies within us, and how we respond to those who make their issues ours. What usually follows a misunderstanding is resentment. When someone doesn’t practice unconditional love, appreciation, and respect, then there’s no evidence of a healthy relationship, a loving connection, or genuine regard for others.
CONTENTMENT IS KNOWING PEACE AND LOVE RESIDE WITHIN
If God views creation as ideal and wants only what’s best for us, why would we want anything less for ourselves? Why do we stay in disheartening relationships or cliques where it’s far from good, which only leaves us feeling bad? Our mission is to be the best so we can attract the best. Perhaps when we were feeling less than ourselves, we attracted less than expected. We block the best acquaintances, the best friendships, and the best connections by how we conduct ourselves. However, with that said, we learn a valuable lesson, and that is we choose the life we have and the people in it. We are in control of who to let in and who to let out. An enjoyable life won’t happen if we stay in unhealthy relationships.
Everything begins with us. When we understand, appreciate, and love ourselves, we can build stronger connections. We see what’s better for us once we get really comfortable with who we truly are and with what we believe. When we’re content with our surroundings and pleased with the company we keep, then we have an opportunity to attract better people. For inner peace attracts pleasant thoughts, which ushers in joy, followed by healthy loving relationships.
NO ONE CAN STEAL YOUR JOY WHEN YOU’RE WILLING TO CHANGE THE STORY
Family is a different matter; however, is it? Just because family members are fated, doesn’t give them the green light to mistreat you. What if there’s no unconditional love to speak of and everything is solely based on conditions? Sometimes there’s no other way to get along but to sever ties. Love them, leave them, and let them go on their merry way to mistreat someone other than you. It will be important to change what’s no longer beneficial, for your well-being. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions, to move away from dysfunction, to gain not only clarity but sanity.
Why do we keep company with those who don’t want what’s best for us? It’s a choice to settle within those unhealthy connections. And it’s a decision to foster negative associations. Was it our intention to take part in the charade that led to nothing more than constant criticism and melodrama? The answer should be a resounding no. Once you take stock of the direction you’re headed, you know that if you stay in negative situations, you will only end up on the wrong path. A pathway which leads to nowhere, where you inevitably struggle to keep your identity intact. Because when they steal your joy, they will ultimately steal the finer aspects of you.
THOSE WHO COME FROM THE PLACE OF PEACE VALUE LOVE
When you move from the negative attachments, you discover freedom. The freedom to be who you are and to do what you love. Just by removing yourself from the picture where the disturbance lives, allows you to feel calm because you are finally at peace. And what you find once the fog of discontent lifts, depression and anxiety subside. The feeling of personal inadequacy diminishes because you no longer live within the confines of someone’s imposed idea, belief, and restriction.
The important thing to ask yourself: Who or what is the source of the conflict? The ties which bind most likely are the root of the problem. Who do you hang out with, how healthy is the clique you’re in, what’s the family dynamics like? When you no longer live by someone’s distorted impression of who they want you to be, which by the way, is usually not who you are, then you can meet those who love you for YOU.
Make sure that you always follow your heart and your gut, and let yourself be who you want to be, and who you know you are. And don’t let anyone steal your joy.
The best thing to do is to take a time out… from a relationship, outside the clique, and go within to listen to your heart. Your heart already knows what the storyline was trying to tell you. It’s time to not only shed light on what’s no longer working within a family, a marriage, a friendship, or a group, but to reveal what’s no longer emotionally fulfilling. When we let go of the struggle, step away from the conflict, we create a better story. Life can only get better when we choose to live happily, joyfully, and peacefully ever after.
3 comments
Absolutely! Well written. Thanks for writing such selective articles.
This is truly a nice piece you’ve written. Thanks for sharing.