Snippets Of Valuable Dating Lessons | Choosing Wisely

We learn as we go, but what’s helpful is when someone hands us snippets of valuable dating lessons, placing us ahead of the curve. Decisions, standards, and boundaries are pivotal, and are factors not only to consider, but to intentionally practice throughout dating. For instance, let’s take one’s choices. Any decision someone makes in love can and will change everything, as it has the power to alter one’s trajectory in life. What we do with what we know at a specific time will have far-reaching consequences. It will also have more significance than we can ever envision. 

It’s so important to see things as they are, rather than create a love story that never existed. The thing is, we can get so wrapped up in those undefined moments. Moments that can steal us from a place we can only dream of, only to be set off course, headed towards a place that wasn’t even ours (it was someone else’s). See what I did there? Good!

August’s blog is a backdrop to this one. If you haven’t read last month’s post, you can check it out here. I gifted a friend a winning ticket. She chose the guy I would have selected. They dated on and off, and then out of the blue, he proposed. They married six years following that formal event, had two beautiful kids, and moved to the country he was from. As a side note, I attended the most extravagant wedding I’ve ever been to. 

REFLECTIONS

I discovered early on in the relationship I was in, ages ago… that it wasn’t a relationship after all. It was something completely different. Somewhere in the equation of what I thought was… simply wasn’t. No big deal, people have the freedom to choose whoever they want, and to live their lives, however they please. What’s interesting is there’s an old saying, what’s meant to be will be. I believe this to be true. Apart from that, upon closer inspection, it was more so meant to be a lesson.

Something that ‘lies’ beneath the surface will eventually come to light or will come up for air, whichever comes first. For some, this may occur while dating, and for others, it may crop up years later, perhaps well after parting ways. Regardless, this is that aha moment. Like whoa, we get it. 

Perhaps there was a vital piece of information that arrived to burst an illusionary bubble. A message, one we’ve tucked away for safekeeping as a reminder to create safe distance and to set an impenetrable boundary. Which ultimately changed the track of where the said relationship was headed. And let’s keep it real. Setting boundaries doesn’t pull people into a circle of trust, it pushes them further away. With that said, I did myself a colossal favor, by doing just that. I intentionally drew the line in the sand. In other words, we nipped it in the bud. To this very day, there are absolutely no regrets. Just a reminder of what we spared ourselves from. Reminders that prompt us to appreciate every one of those snippets of valuable dating lessons.

HEART LOCKED ON RESET | AWARENESS

Maybe you wanted to give the one you had your heart set on, the benefit of doubt, or some time to prove their worthiness. Eventually it comes to this: An understanding that the person you dated simply wasn’t your person. Nor were they your type. We just know. If ever someone shows you who they are, or somebody tells you something, anything, about the one you’re dating, don’t just take it with a grain of salt. Listen attentively. Delve a little deeper. Perhaps there’s good reasoning behind what you needed to learn. The sooner you get this, the better off you’ll be. Too many continue dating those with toxic personalities, only to find out a tad late. Seriously, why do this?

SNIPPETS OF VALUABLE DATING LESSONS ULTIMATELY LEAD TO WISER CHOICES

Keep it positive, always seeking healthy, meaningful relationships. Pay attention, especially to the little things, because they may not be so little. If something makes no sense, leaving you not only confused but left dangling in an awkward space, it’s a sign. This is when we disconnect (pull away), disengage (no need for further contact), and discontinue (change your number, address, heck, maybe even your last name). I know?! Players play. And the craziness lives on. Just saying.

Here’s the kicker. Perhaps it wasn’t so much about the person we once dated. Just maybe, it was more in line with the idea of a relationship’s potential. Could this be what superseded whatever this thing was? Ask yourself: What were the deficiencies of the said romance, and what was missing right from the very beginning? In time, the answers reveal themselves. I kid you not. With that said, if I were to reflect, there were patterns of dishonesty and disrespect.

LOOKING AT IT FROM AN IDEALISTIC ANGLE

Failure to notice any red flags occur whenever one carries an idealistic view of what they’re involved in. This is where we paint a rosy picture of something far from rosy. Who in their right mind would ever want to take part or get lost in an unhealthy connection? Especially when we not only have nothing but love and respect for ourselves, but also value the essence of the precious time we have. This is where we can consider all the possibilities in a world full of better options. If you were to draw anything from this post, my hope is for you to always choose wisely.