We go about our day, to accomplish an errand, caught up in our own thoughts and perhaps never see those around us who carry a burden. The caregiver doesn’t have a big sign that signals who they are and what they do. But what they do is important, and heartwarming. It’s love supersized.
Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know possible.
One balmy spring afternoon, I decided to pick up a succulent arrangement for my office. Every cashier was busy, so I picked a line that seemingly looked better than the rest; but, that wasn’t the case. After a second price check, followed by a person who forgot an item, we stood patiently. The next best thing was to scrutinize products on the shelf and then peek at what others have decided to purchase. However, sometimes we get a glimpse into something more, into a stranger’s personal world, and the challenges they face.
THE ROLE OF THE CAREGIVER
She looked over my plant with a faint smile, “Very nice succulent arrangement; I can’t have plants,” she said. I looked over, smiled and replied, “Oh, why not?” “We moved all the furniture, to accommodate a wheelchair. The state of our home is in disarray. Everything is up against the wall, like prisoners lined up. No where to put anything… anymore.” “Surely there’s a corner you can find, just a little space for you. It’s important to have something you love,” I added. “No, there’s no space and no time for anything, especially another thing to take care of such as a plant. I’m tired. I came here to get a few things but mostly to get away for a few minutes… for sanity’s sake. And I have to get back home soon, where I have to give my husband his medication. It’s not how it used to be.”
Those words stuck like glue… “not how it used to be.” We live each and every day as though we have forever. Ultimately, youth, health, stamina, fortitude, strength, and determination wane. One day everything changes on a dime, and you can only feel what you feel, see what you see, and hear what you hear. And words echo. Words have a way of hanging in the air, of pulling on a heartstring.
Perspective is everything when you are experiencing the challenges of life.
THE PATH TO BURNOUT
Everyone goes through something. Oh, perhaps, there are those who never experienced the pain of losing someone. The someone they used to know. The ones who were strong and able to care for themselves and for others. Now there’s reliance. There’s dependence on the one who now has to carry the burden. Unfortunately, the caregiver can lose their sense of identity, of who they once were, because they have a huge role to fill. No one wants this kind of role. It’s demanding, it’s challenging, and it’s exhausting.
THE CAREGIVER HAS TO BALANCE MULTIPLE ROLES
After all, they must remain vigilant for the well-being of another. They have to stay strong as the focus shifts from their needs to a loved one. Ultimately, there’s the feeling of isolation, followed by negative thinking, depression, and insomnia. Eventually, life becomes less enjoyable. Nevertheless, the most important thing to practice is self-care because if it isn’t at the top of the list, then there’s the likelihood of burnout. The dirty “B” word, a state where you lose you. Losing you will result in your family member or a loved one losing too.
A support network is crucial. Your health and well-being are just as important if not more so, especially now. Do you have family members, friends, or acquaintances that can help you? These are the people that can assist with errands, tasks, or chores. A discussion with the family doctor would be a good place to start to get an idea of what support you can attain. Reach out to community services, support groups, and organizations. Just remember, you are not alone. There are programs out there that can serve you during this trying time. The key is to reach out.
KEEP IT SIMPLE AND ORGANIZED
It’s essential to keep things simple by having one place where you maintain all of the records, contacts, and partners in caregiving. This is where you keep all the relevant information, the emergency contacts as well as a list of neighbors, acquaintances, family, and friends. A note book that stores all health, financial, legal, and insurance documentation.
THE PERSONAL SCHEDULE
Naturally, we have the tendency to keep things to ourselves and to do things on our own. Never fear to reach out… ever. Don’t give up what you love, stay involved in the things you enjoy. Make special time for you. Set some boundaries. You may have to take rest periods. You may need some time by yourself, and you may even need to get away briefly. Enjoy a luncheon with a friend. Take some time to pamper yourself. Go to the local market or garden center. Indulge a bit, and go ahead buy that succulent or plant you’ve admired. It’s not selfish to consider you first. What good will you be to your loved one if your emotional and physical well-being is at stake?
One goal of the mindful caregiver is to find ways to not feel ‘dis-eased’ in the caregiving process.
SELF-CARE IS EQUIVALENT TO SELF-LOVE
Just as a succulent plant requires minimal tender care, you as well are in need of tender loving care. Get some natural light and ensure you receive adequate nutrients. Succulents are known to absorb what they need from their environment. Ensure your environment provides nurturance. The space you create will play a critical role in your well-being. If you are continuously and consistently absorbed by a negative mindset, living an unbalanced lifestyle while disliking your surroundings, it can lead to a major setback in the caregiving process. A setback which will deplete your energy and your ability to function, which not only effects you as the caregiver but the person and people you love.
No matter what kind of challenges or difficulties or painful situations you go through in your life, we all have something deep within us that we can reach down and find the inner strength to get through them.