Tolerating Unacceptable Behavior is a No

Over the past few months, I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the emails I’ve received. Apparently, tolerating unacceptable behavior is a thing. Who knew? In fact, some people endure a great deal of mistreatment by the one they trust the most, without realizing the effects it has on their lives. With that said, I run across instances where people experience or have experienced a not-so-great romance novel. And it’s not a book they’re reading, it’s the life they’re living. 

IS THIS WHAT WE DREAMED OF AND WISHED FOR?

Every now and then, someone crosses our path, and the attraction is strong. However, we not only attract people with high standards, we can also attract those with low to no standards whatsoever. Now, what happens when you attract a roamer, a cheater, a player, or a flirt? 

In this blog, we delve into just that, the world of deceptive behavior. I know… harsh reality. That said, we live in a world of options where we have choices, and we can choose right or wrong. Realistically speaking, we are but one decision away from either a promising relationship or a situation that will bear nothing but bad news. Failure to prioritize self-respect and self-love can lead you down the wrong path with the wrong person, living a not-so-great life. 

THE GAMES PEOPLE PLAY

Now, back to that question. What happens when you tolerate unacceptable behavior? You do yourself a grave disservice. Essentially, it’s you lost in some game. If you love ‘game’, this isn’t your blog. However, before you decide to skedaddle, I intentionally wrote this article specifically with you in mind. As well as for those who may contemplate anyone who can charm a person’s pants off. 

ARE WE ROMANTICIZING THE WRONG THING?

It doesn’t matter how two people meet. They are merely at the same place at the same time. Romanticizing the meeting is one thing, but we can also idealize the simple fact that we piqued someone’s interest. It’s here we have to get real. Let’s just say the flirt spotted you while they’re still heavily involved dating someone else. Just weeks after their fascination with you, these fickle souls were enthralled with some other person. What’s romantic about that? 

Perhaps the roamer somewhat ended it with the one they’re still seeing. But you come along while they’re on a perpetual rebound, which I like to refer to as some merry-go-round. Before you know, you’re receiving a call from some stranger desperately attempting to find out who you are, and why the man they love has your phone number. Imagine that. 

Or just maybe the fella you just met is nothing more than an infamous womanizer. Now you’re the other woman. Unfortunately, stuff like this occurs more than we care to admit. With that said, don’t get me wrong, there are still good men out there. But you have to know when to cut your losses, with those who never deserved your time.

THE HARD TRUTH AND NOTHNG BUT THE TRUTH

When the truth surfaces, it may somewhat set you aback, especially if you had your heart set on some heartbreaker. But the thing is, it will set you back on track and this isn’t so bad. In fact, it’s ideal. We can refer to this as an opportunistic time, when we can meet and date someone who’s a much stronger match. Are they out there? You can bet your sweet patootie they are. But the thing is, you are spending too much time focused on the wrong guy. Just saying.

By leaning into the truth, you gain valuable insights lasting a lifetime. You will also learn the granddaddy of lessons, and that is: some people are nothing but a lesson. This I learned firsthand, many moons ago, while dating someone who caught me off guard. His actions changed my opinion of him altogether and it also changed the way I viewed relationships. Even now, as I look back on that experience, I admit it influenced my dating choices after we parted ways. However, I’m thankful for that disappointment because I became aware for the first time that unacceptable behavior can exist in those we place our trust in. Did he know I knew? No. No, he didn’t. Luckily, I met no one like him since. 

I’ve also witnessed a recurring theme among my friends’ encounters with men with similar traits. And over the years, I listened as colleagues shared their stories about their dishonest partners. So if you are going through something like this, you are not alone. Unacceptable behavior exists. It’s just a sad fact.

RELEVANT ADVICE

The thing is, what hides behind a facade is where truth exists, and you need not look further. You having to verify if someone is cheating, in itself, is a red flag. Why get entangled in an unacceptable situation, having to endure someone’s sly tendencies and bad mannerisms? We know what these fellas are all about, but for whatever reason, we give some of them one too many chances to prove us wrong. Only to discover, tolerating any unacceptable behavior is a no. 

The best counsel is to do yourself a favor by leaning into the undeniable truth. Integrity is crucial, all day, every day – yours, theirs. Let no one, at any point, diminish your value, being deceptive, all the while keeping you in tow. Nor should you diminish your worth by entertaining such people. Remember, you are a precious gem who deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and appreciation. If someone doesn’t cherish you, it’s time to let them go.

From my experience, taking one’s time getting to know a person, including their family and friends, will reveal all we need to know. Not only will you be privy to their idiosyncrasies, but their traits and habits as well. Way too many people not only get carried away, but are in a hurry to get something serious started when they don’t even know the person they are dating. 

TOLERATING UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR IS A CHOICE

If you are going through his texts, snooping through his personal stuff, calling every phone number he’s stashed away, you already know. This is you tolerating unacceptable behavior. Yes, you are. As well as doing yourself a great injustice. How much proof does one need? Come on now. “But… I love him,” you say, as the tears well up in your eyes. Yes, I get it, but he doesn’t love you. I know… not what you want to hear. But that said, isn’t this good to know? 

Mr. Wrong is the type who is incapable of appreciating the concept of love, for they seem oblivious to its meaning. A true understanding would mean that they would have to respect you and the relationship you both share. This will never happen because it doesn’t fit in with the lifestyle they’ve chosen.

GOOD GUY-BAD GUY

A good man is open, honest, and direct. These are the desired qualities of the type of man we’d like to get to know better and the ones we want to end up with. That said, why waste time on those who possess nothing but negative character traits? I don’t know the answer, but I know you do. Ask yourself, “Self, why am I attracted to the wrong guys, always tolerating unacceptable behavior?”