Understanding Deception: What You Need to Know 

As a writer, I’m always curious. What if you knew something someone thought you didn’t? Would you carry on as if you didn’t know, holding back, letting it slide to see how long the charade continues? The thing is, some of us do just that. We patiently go along with whatever’s playing out, and we do this intentionally, thinking things will change given time. Of course, things change. Give it enough time and something is bound to evolve. The question you need to ask is: Will things improve? Let’s keep it real. This is something that will not turn in anyone’s favor. It’s why understanding deception is essential. This is when keen awareness is crucial. It’s having insight into the subtle cues. Here’s the thing: We have to learn how to read the cues.

When someone is dishonest from the get-go, that’s a sure-fire sign to keep it moving. How will you know if the timing is right to move on? Good question. There’s a fine art to tapping into nuances, it’s here we detect any shady undercurrent. Pay close enough attention to the undertones and you will recognize hints of deception. In all honesty, a hint is really all anyone needs to exit. 

Now I’m eager to know what you would do if you knew you were going to play an insignificant part in a man’s story? Let’s just say this dude was open and honest when the two of you first met. Perhaps an opening line would go something like this: “Hey gorgeous, (these guys tend to use this adjective… a lot) I’m only interested in open relationships. Are you game?” You’d look at him point blank and ask if he’s for real. I’m sure most women would steer clear. But that’s not how something like this plays out. No. No, it isn’t.

THE GAMES PEOPLE PLAY

This isn’t anything like the snakes and ladders we played back in the day. Far from. In this game, there’s a certain prerequisite required to play. More specific, a particular behavior. Once we recognize this, we have to identify whether we can tolerate the rules, and we will also have to determine our level of participation. These illicit escapades may not mirror the encounters depicted in Shades of Grey, but let’s just say, in some cases, close enough. 

In the scenario we perhaps find ourselves in, we have to be aware of the dishonest tactics someone will use to win. I kid you not. This kind of questionable conduct exists in the dating world. It goes something like this: The player slithers inconspicuously into our lives, doing dirty deeds on the down-low, only to cover up their tracks. By pulling wool over our eyes, they continue doing what they do best… cheat. 

If we snooze, we miss out on what’s secretly taking place. Mind you, there are those who are aware, but will go into full out denial mode. Whether you siesta your way through something like this or head for the path of denial, you lose. For those who are truly oblivious, thankfully, some of these cheats have friends who don’t mind spilling the beans. 

QUESTIONING QUESTIONABLE BEHAVIOR 

Sometimes it can take a minute before coming to our senses. Seeing through a charade isn’t always easy. At the very least, our position in a game or in some toxic connection will become obvious, given time. When we know where we stand, that, in itself, is a position of strength. Maybe you considered leaving after tolerating some kind of questionable conduct for far too long. Perhaps you’ve even contemplated your departure on more than one occasion. Only this time, the sneak did you a massive favor, beating you to the punch by taking it a step further, playing the deception card. In reality, deceptive behavior is their choice. Those on the receiving end, it’s more so a massive lesson to move on and keep it moving. 

UNDERSTANDING DECEPTION – HERE WE MEET SNAKY-SNAKE AND SNEAKY-SNEAK 

It’s time to address the snakes and the sneaks. Who knew it would come to this? Rather than being consumed with what went down and why, you need to focus on something meaningful, like what’s important to you and your future. There are more significant things to consider. If you are dating a cheat, safety comes to mind. After all, a relationship like this is a risky proposition. 

Second, consider love and what it means to you. If involved in something loveless, what’s the point? I say… what’s the point? Here’s where you decide what’s best… for you. Not sure? Well then, it’s time for a hiatus. Step aside and let the sneakster get on with their next conquest. This is a crucial moment for you, for this is freedom 2.0. It gives you breathing room from toxicity, as well as an opportunity to meet someone more suitable who embodies the love you desire and deserve. And who doesn’t deserve love?

It’s all about meeting the right man. Someone who adores you and cherishes the relationship the two of you share. A guy who will make it well known that you are indeed a couple. No sneaky stuff here. Something like this can usher in a happily ever after… for you, and for the one who chose you over everyone else. Just putting this out there for those who no longer believe in love. A sneaky-sneak or snaky-snake will never deliver long-lasting happiness. That’s a fact. 

WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

It begins with you. Here’s where you assess your level of confidence and self-respect. It’s really you prioritizing happiness over someone trivial who always chooses new instead of you. Anne Duvaux wrote an interesting article on just that, things to do when he chooses someone over you. If you question what the relationship is or isn’t, then it isn’t your relationship. Time for a new beginning, leaving what’s not working well, for what will.

I assure you, the right guy will show you what true love entails. They will also naturally express their feelings in such a way that there will be no need to question the relationship. Their admirable qualities and traits stand at the forefront. It’s that thoughtful guy, not someone acting as though they’re auditioning for a role as some playboy. We aren’t interested in or in search of a pretentious player, rather a dependable, honest, and trustworthy man. 

So, I have to ask: What’s wrong with starting anew? Let me answer that for you. Nothing. Nothing wrong with new beginnings. It can be an exciting time. Besides, there’s nothing bad about being single. We need to accept this until we meet someone caring, understanding, and respectful. Steve points us in the right direction:

By closing the door and not looking back at a relationship that was far from ideal, you put an end to a nasty cycle. No different from getting yourself out of a rut. It’s here you move on from something deceptive toward the real deal. It’s a conscious choice, and it will begin with understanding deception and the negativity it inflicts in a life that chooses it. 

WHAT MATTERS… MATTERS – AND SO DOES UNDERSTANDING DECEPTION

Ending a relationship is one thing, but putting an end to a dishonest relationship can lead to a better, more fulfilling love life, built on trust, understanding, and genuine affection. Who wouldn’t choose this? Most likely, anyone who believes dignity isn’t in the cards. All I have to say to that is, you choose you, choose your happiness. Those with devious hearts never commit to just one person. In other words, cheaters get bored. 

If you read any of my previous posts, you will full out grasp what matters, and what doesn’t. You matter, your life matters, and who you choose to spend time with matters… big time. I confess, I never thought for one moment that I’d attract a dishonest person, a guy who wasn’t only insensitive, but overtly inconsistent. But I did, like so many of us. However, it doesn’t just end there. No. No, it doesn’t. We have the power to not only choose, but to choose better next time. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Not every relationship pans out.

Here’s the thing… life always ushers in challenges. And we have to be prepared to ride out each peak and valley. Aware of what is acceptable and what isn’t. Over time, it becomes clear. We can tell what is right versus what is oh so wrong, and we also know when it’s time to let something or someone go. Regardless, knowing what we know is key. 

We are aware of what we want, can address what we need, and we can even appreciate when a situation doesn’t fit in with our plans for the future. So tell me, what else is there to do apart from understanding deception and navigating our way through it as we make a beeline for the nearest exit?

CAUGHT UP IN GAME… SAY WHAT?

Before we answer that question, we have to revisit the differences between a great and not-so-great guy. This is repetitious, I know, but it’s so worth restating. A decent man with genuine feelings will honor you and the relationship. They will value you and treat you with the utmost respect. Your guy will be someone reliable and trustworthy. Those with integrity aren’t secretive, manipulative, or deceptive. 

Over the years, I witnessed a few family members walk a tightrope with inconsiderate men who didn’t deserve time or attention. I was there for friends and colleagues who faced the same dysfunction. For Pete’s sake, you’d think I would have seen through the fakery of someone deceptive. Yet, there I was, I ended up in the same boat. Thank goodness, it was one short-lived chapter in my early dating years. 

The key is to not rush into anything, and to identify problems early. After all, who wants to get involved in nasty romantic entanglements? I have to admit, the experience itself not only exposed the eccentricities of a questionable character, but the gamble associated with dating this type of guy. Which, by the way, forever changed my view of what to be aware of when dating. 

SEEING THROUGH THE FOG 

Understanding deception is the first line of defense. It’s where you identify the associated risks involved when dating a flirt. After all, some of these guys are suave opportunists. And that’s how I viewed the chap I dated. Let’s just say my guard was up.

We can construe deceptive behavior as negative energy at best that will always pose as something it isn’t, which presents a genuine threat. When deception occurs in a romantic relationship, it will inevitably become an innate force that will consume you if you let it. Too many women fall down this rabbit hole. The key is to see through the fog.

Our focus needs to shift from a deceptive partner to our well-being and the consequences of continuing down this road. We will definitely miss the mark if we stick it out with anyone dishonest. I don’t even want to hear how great he is as a lover. Puh-leeze… stuff like that is teachable, just google it, buy a book, or take a class. 

Besides, practice makes perfect.

The bottom line, a special man isn’t the type to date other people behind your back while the two of you are together. With the right man, you know where you stand, with the wrong one, you never will. What more do you need? Take back your power, take some time on your own to decide what’s best. You can choose the onward and upward approach, or you can stay stuck in something far-from-ideal. Eventually the connection will flat-line. Which, in all honesty, wouldn’t be bad. Just saying. With one door closing, another opens, giving you the opportunity to start over, but this time with someone new. Doesn’t that sound great?

FLIRTING WITH DECEPTION… WHO KNEW?

Have you ever found yourself in an awkward space? It happens. It wasn’t something I had bargained for, that’s for sure. Did the guy I was seeing have any clue I knew soon after dating him? No. No, he didn’t. Nor did anyone in my family, for that matter. But with that said, I shared what I knew with one person, a dear friend, the one I trusted the most. I honestly wasn’t interested in vocalizing what came to light to anyone else. 

However, that said, there was a neighbor who warned me. I moved toward her to hear what she said, as her voice trailed off with the wind. “Pardon?” “How are you two getting on? You two getting on okay?” “Oh, you mean my guy?” “Yeh, the tall man in black leather with that bike.” After a back-and-forth banter, the topic turned serious. She revealed something personal and followed it up with a warning: “Never date a man with a motorcycle, honey.” She had labeled all the motorcycle enthusiasts as “rebellious thrill-seekers.” Perhaps she was onto something. Looking back, I can see why she broached the subject, for those were the only men she attracted. The cheats. We have to recognize when to leave well enough alone. 

In all honesty, I initially thought the guy I dated was exclusive, but it became clear he wasn’t. Now, back to the riders. Not all guys who ride… cheat. I just encountered someone who did. But with that said, I bear no hard feelings. In fact, he did me a favor by teaching me the difference between a great guy and a not-so-great guy. Lesson learned.

RIDERS RIDE

The thing was, everyone assumed a tall, good-looking guy with an untamed spirit would have me spellbound. In reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth, especially after what I discovered, and discoveries matter in affairs of the heart as they do in life. Whatever we stumble upon will not only taint how we view a situation, as in my case, it will also alter our opinion of someone altogether.

BE THE WISER – UNDERSTANDING DECEPTION IS REFUSING A BADGE THAT READS: NOTHING BUT AN OPTION

Too many people get stuck where they don’t belong, holding on to a false connection that isn’t healthy, trying to make it work. Waste of time. When the fact is, in most cases, anything involving deception seldom succeeds. These people choose who they choose. No big deal. With you being honest with yourself, it becomes a game changer. That I know, firsthand. Rene eloquently tells it like it is:

In unhealthy connections, there are those who find it difficult to get beyond a person who wasn’t the one. Hard to believe there are women who know, yet refuse to end a toxic relationship. It’s not worth spending valuable time on someone who never deserved your phone number, let alone a first date. Repeat the last line until it becomes loud and clear, or until you have an aha moment. Understanding deception delivers clarity. It’s you being clear about what you will tolerate and what you won’t. No longer in denial, seeing through rose-colored glasses, but seeing things as they are.

So, what’s a girl to do? Well, that is up to you, but if you desire true love, this isn’t it. A man who genuinely values you and the relationship will resist the urge to cheat. Whereas those tempted are nothing but bad news. It doesn’t matter how great the competition, a man in love will always be someone you can count on and trust. Their actions will demonstrate patience, understanding, and loyalty. If he lacks restraint and is unfaithful, he’s not your guy, that’s all. End of story. 

HE’S NOT WHAT?

There’s a saying, he’s just not that into you. No biggie. In fact, that’s great to know. Now’s the time to make yourself available for someone who is. Find your inner strength and resolve to forgive and forget. By releasing what’s wrong, striving for what’s best can make life attractive for you, and for those you have yet to meet. 

Your guy will appear when the time is right. Someone will love you the way you deserve to be loved. When the right man comes along, his words and actions will always be an accurate reflection of his devotion. A true gentleman, one with strong moral principles. Far from a sneaky-sneak or snaky-snake. With a firm understanding deception plays, you can now navigate your way around any fickle relationship. It’s here where you usher in the success you desire and deserve in love, as in life.