Why You Can’t Find Love

Do you catch yourself weighing time on some supernatural scale? To be more specific, I’m referring to meeting someone within an allotted time. Let’s be clear, time isn’t the issue. Some of us believe we can give time an ultimatum, adamantly declaring we meet that special someone within some designated timeline or else. Really, are we going there? This becomes most apparent when we blow out the candles on yet another cake. An annual event that not only signals we’re one year older, but we’re older and still single. And those two together usher in that uneasy feeling that doesn’t bode well. This draws attention to the fact you’re still single, and it has you and everyone else questioning why… why you can’t find love.

HOLDING OUT VERSUS LETTING LOOSE

What about those singles who give up on the idea of ever dating? These are the same people who desire love. We can dream all we want of someone who can check off all the right boxes. To this, I say great! Dream, but never, ever give up. But let’s be honest. Are we perhaps being a little too picky? Some of us can get lost in a dream, desiring six feet, doting a six-pack, making six figures. Yeh, you know who you are. 

Of course, there are those at the opposite end of the spectrum. The ones who do not rest until they find someone, anyone, who can fill some void. But this is where they lose out, using up valuable time associating with the wrong people.

WHY YOU CAN’T FIND LOVE BOILS DOWN TO CHOICE

What about those who weigh all of their options? A cornucopia to choose from. Going through the motions, feeling everything, except for the love they desire. What they miss most becomes a sobering reality given time. And this has them mulling over what they did or didn’t do or could have, should have done. In the end, all they wanted was to find the right person to share their life with. However, when we get all caught up in some heated moment, entangled in a hot mess, ultimately, someone will convince themselves it’s right when it’s wrong. All I have to say is… if it doesn’t feel right in your heart space, it isn’t right. Accept it for what it isn’t, move on, and make room for someone better. 

DENIAL ANYONE?

Perhaps the reason why you can’t find love is because you are stuck… in denial. I have to put this out there. Whenever we give up someone we should embrace, or hold onto someone we should release, it doesn’t make it better. In fact, it can get a lot worse if you get my drift. Like convincing ourselves of something that isn’t what it is. Who has time to live in this kind of illusory space?

Let’s dig deeper. People show us who they are all the time. The key is to pay attention to the nuances, those little things that can get big over time. Bottom line, those you meet have to want the relationship to matter. If someone does and the other person doesn’t, then you’d have to question why you’re holding onto what isn’t right for you. How can you meet someone great when you’re out with someone who isn’t?

IS BEING SINGLE THAT BAD? 

Let’s get honest. I’m curious… what’s wrong with being single? Impatiently rushing into something may lead to dating the wrong people. Personally, I’d rather be single than stuck in a not so great relationship. Single status isn’t as bad as we think. It’s possible cousin Milly, uncle Bob, and aunt Flo have judged it unfairly. “Time to settle down and start a family,” they’d chant in unison at every family gathering. For one, settling isn’t my favorite word. There’s that.

Now, what about those who view avid daters as happy-go-lucky dating enthusiasts? Marathon anyone? Different strokes for different folks. These are the people who are in one relationship after another, involved in every dating site known to man, and this is also where they lose grip on reality. It’s like someone with a sweet tooth in a candy store. But if they were to get real for just a minute, they may find there’s more to this than meets the eye (pun intended). If looks are the only criteria, one could miss out on someone quite exceptional. Just saying.

F… IS INDEED A BAD WORD

Now, if you get anything from reading this post, let it be this: fear will not serve you. It will prevent the right person from showing up. Just putting this out there because it’s true. When we fear, we lose. When you fear outings, fear rejection, or have fears of being inadequate in some shape or form, you end up in that very place you dread. The place of longing. Instead, why not just love and appreciate where you are now, enjoying the freedom you have? A free spirit with inspirational optimism will always appear confident, and that can speak volumes. This will turn an expression that carries a negative undertone into a positive one. From why you can’t find love to why you can. Single, living beyond fear, blissfully free, and hopeful for that one day when the right person crosses your path.