After reviewing a few emails, one reader asked about dating standards and whether this is something we should consider. Absolutely. Whenever the excitement of meeting someone new is surpassed by the eagerness to get to know them better, we are aware that some of these dates could be quite exceptional. Whereas others not so much. We know when something’s headed south. This is us realizing we have to create some excuse to end the date abruptly (hoping to never hear from them again). But… we’re too nice and have a hard time uttering the word, no. So, we go on a few more dates, giving them the benefit of doubt. Who hasn’t been there and done that? Does it work? No. This only leads to entanglement.
If you have ever gone through this trial period, this is where we overlook the importance of standards, even though they usher significant benefits. Used correctly, dating standards can point you to your true north – on track to someone better suited. If you’ve veered off track, remember, this is your life, and life/love intermingle. Why not get something so important, right?
HEED YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLES
The key to fulfillment is mindfulness. Mindful of what you like and dislike. For starters, what are some mannerisms and actions you peg as non-negotiable? And what are you prepared to accept, perhaps to some extent, overlook? Without dating standards, how would you know when to bail out? If you don’t plan on setting standards, why the heck not? Dating standards keep us on track to attracting the right person.
WITH OR WITHOUT DATING STANDARDS
I hold high standards for those I date because I hold extremely high standards for myself.
As far as connections go, Mike gets it! Perhaps there are those who are okay with being treated unfairly, perhaps even undervalued. Maybe some people are at a stage in life where it doesn’t matter. Truth be told, one of the most important facets of dating is awareness. Aware of who you are and what you deserve. This is taking standards and boundaries into consideration. As well as, understanding why dating standards (yours and theirs) is of relevance. Standards reflect self-love and communicate our resistance to being swayed by others. Yeh, I see you flexing all those muscles, but that amigo doesn’t work for me. Nor am I interested in flirty-fly-by-nighters. AKA situational relationships that lack any semblance of decency. We just met. Are you like – for real?
DISCIPLINE VS LACK OF CONTROL
Let’s not be afraid to speak the common sense truth: you can’t have high standards without good discipline.
Loving connections stem from healthy attitudes, which can lead to a healthy, vibrant relationship. Perhaps there are those reading this that may not agree. Especially if you’re oozing nothing but sexuality. But hear me out. A healthy relationship isn’t considered vibrant or sexy. It’s super vibrant and super sexy!
This is a case of complete compatibility between two people, encompassing mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical aspects. It’s seductive because it involves transparency, trust, security, loyalty, and a generous dose of respect that aligns with discipline. I need to emphasize respect because that is lacking on all fronts in society.
So, tell me, what’s your tolerance level? You’re probably wondering what, if anything, does this have to do with dating? Your tolerance sets the barometer for your standards. Standards set the tone for the type of relationship, whether it’s going to be a loving/healthy/sexy relationship or not. A great relationship takes place when we secure boundaries and address our list of dating standards. What will you tolerate and what will you not condone?
DATING STANDARDS VS WISH LISTS
Dating standards differ from our wish lists. A wish list is where we just skim the surface. Whereas dating standards address the next layer. This is where we go deeper. Standards are more in line with whether someone is caring, trustworthy, and dependable. Added to our list are those who can communicate effectively. Connections that we understand rather than something far too complicated. You’ll know when a relationship becomes complicated. There will be a vast number of innuendos dancing with too many questionable events, traipsing with all of those unanswered questions. Which leads to a multitude of misunderstandings, forever leaving you in a haze of confusion. Okay, I got carried away. I digress. Anyway, who wants to get lost in that?
When you set high standards, you immediately raise your expectations of what’s possible. You suddenly expect more from yourself, more from your actions, and more from others.
Connections typically start off with one’s wish list, those enticing physical features. However, for it to grow beyond the initial attraction phase, we take time to get to know the person. This is when we refer to our dating standards blueprint. We go beyond the surface, noting where our person of interest is falling short.
REVIEW THEN DECIDE – WITH OR WITHOUT DATING STANDARDS
Let’s get real. The thing is, as we age, looks fade. I know, harsh truth. So we need to count on there being more to a connection. This includes attributes that highlight who people are, what they stand for, and the things we have in common.
It’s essential to pay attention to both the spoken and unspoken words. Witness how the person manages different situations. It’s easy to get carried away, possibly derailed, misinterpreting what something should be versus what something is. Time will tell whether a connection is bound to work or is doomed to fail. So tell me, will that be with or without dating standards? Your call.